I originally posted this article at the beginning of Covid 19 lockdowns in my community. The information is still valuable even after the crisis moment has passed.
This is a time that many adults and children are experiencing a sense of loss and anxiety. Knowing that I am a therapist, some parents have asked me for some pointers to help them and their children process these changes and know when to seek additional resources. Each child is going to grieve the loss of structure, friends, and plans/expectations differently. Common responses are irritability, aggression, conflict, avoidance, inability to concentrate, emotional distancing, overprotective behavior (hyper-vigilance), and sleep difficulties (too much sleep, not enough sleep, or nightmares/night terrors). Children at different ages process information and change differently, so I have broken down the information by age category.
Young children, ages about 4-8, tend to "play out" their fears and stress through play, fantasy, art, stories, or even making songs. They need to be protected from news about the pandemic through media and overhearing conversations. This will minimize the potential for the reactions listed above.
Older children, ages about 9-12, appreciate being able to communicate more directly about what is happening in their world. Helping them to identify/name emotions (fear, sadness, anger, etc.) and body sensations like headaches, stomach aches, inability to concentrate, and tension in shoulders that may be a result of the stress and loss. Helping your children to understand that what they are feeling is normal will help go a long way in providing stability.
Teens are often feeling more loss than children because they have a greater perspective of more of the things that have changed and the events and plans they will not be able to experience. Opportunities for connection when you as a parent feel relaxed are important to create.
Anxiety in parents increases anxiety in the family. Taking a walk or a drive to give your teen a one-on-one conversation on how this is affecting you both can be helpful. Make sure you are listening three times as much as you are talking. Silence can be helpful in letting all of us process what we are thinking about and experiencing.
Establishing a routine and engaging in fun family activities are helpful in helping children (and adults) to feel more stable and connected. Taking advantage of connecting points with others through the phone or video connection also helps in creating community and reducing feelings of isolation.
If you notice your child not being able to adjust to your new normal within a few weeks or your parent intuition is telling you that something is wrong, reach out.